Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
