I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize