is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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