I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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