ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
