found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize