i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
