Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize