escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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