I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize