the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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