grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
