Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
This baby is an asshole
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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