just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
