but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
