I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
