I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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