you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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