What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
