it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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