she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
