Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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