youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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