I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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