My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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