And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
