the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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