pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
