Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
