Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
