how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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