I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
