I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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