Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
