I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
