he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
