Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
