even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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