i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
