Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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