is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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