I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
