why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
