i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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