my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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