i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize