i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize