YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
