she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
