So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize