The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
