How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
