there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
