He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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