im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
