He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
