Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
my phone needs a breathalizer
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
