You don't have asthma, your pregnant
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
