High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
