i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize