I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so let's talk penis.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
