They should really pass out barf bags in church
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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