Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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