If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
